Reflections From The Wreckage

“Resilience is the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress. It involves bouncing back from difficult situations, learning from experiences, and continuing to move forward. Resilience is not about being impervious to hardship but rather about the capacity to cope with challenges and maintain well-being despite them.”

There are endless stories of resilient people all throughout history. We make movies and television shows about them, write books, tell stories and sometimes even idolize those people. I’ve been guilty of it myself at times hearing stories about people who overcame seemingly insurmountable odds. It’s inspiring and often times gives a sense of “if they can do it facing everything they did then I can do it in spite of my situation.”

What you don’t see or hear about is the pain involved in “being resilient.” It involves a strength and determination unlike anything you’ve ever known. It’s endless nights of crying yourself to sleep. Stressing over what that next step could look like. Pushing and being pushed. Fighting and quitting. Walking and crawling. Wondering why the situation hasn’t changed and if it ever will. Being jealous of those around you because it looks like they’re doing well. Wishing you could go back to the “before” it all went wrong.

This concept of resilience has been on my mind for a while now. I don’t feel resilient and yet some might say I am. Because I’m still standing despite being crippled and taken into the abyss. Resilience is painful, it’s so painful. The pain this life throws at you are unpredictable and give you experiences you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. There’s no secret or magic solution to those we deem as “resilient”.

I think you just sit with the pain, you feel it, you don’t run from it. Some days you’re up and some days you’re down. One day you’re walking the next day you’re crawling and some days there is no movement. It’s not a linear progression but it’s a path we all must take. We don’t get to choose whether we opt in to this “resilience”. While you keep moving and you seem like you’re fine, some experiences change you forever. Resilience is painful.

The thing with resilience is you never know whether you’re winning or losing. Because when you’re in it, what does winning look like? You keep getting opportunities to develop resilience because life seldom asks you for an opportune time.